I'm working on a non-fiction project called Bohemian Forgiveness: Five Unconventional Paths to Forgiving What You'll Never Forget. There's not much to see on the Facebook page for now but it will come, and I'll be sure to keep you posted.
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"Mental health is an ongoing process of dedication to reality at all costs."
--M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled
Mr. Peck said a mouthful, sister. We'll unpack this tomorrow. Meanwhile, please take a moment and prayerfully consider his words.
Reality . . . at all costs. In 2003 I made a commitment to attend group therapy for survivors of child sexual abuse. Once a week we braved our way through the painful realities of our childhoods. Most of us were married. A few had children. I remember the drive home on Mondays . . . the fog of despair that refused to lift no matter how fast I drove with the windows down. So, I'd spend 30 minutes sitting in my parked car, desperate to fill my wife/mommy-shoes before I walked through the front door.
All I wanted to be was better. Healed. Sane. Free.
All I felt was pain and more pain. I feared for my sanity. I hated how I felt most days, but at least the pain was familar. I had a game plan to get from one painful day to the next. But therapy--reality, changed everything. My only plan was to show up and keep coming back. Occasionly, when I'd withstood all the "reality" I could bare for one night, I'd stop at the liquor store. Temporary relief. And then I'd drag my sorry self back to therapy the next week, only to be cautioned that drinking delays healing. I should've had a T-shirt made that said: Drinking Delays Healing. Ask Me How!
Today, healing from my divorce resembles healing from previous heartbreak. I'm committed to facing amd feeling why it hurts and how much it hurts, until it doesn't. Meanwhile, I remind myself, I'm free. I'm no longer a prisoner of the perpetual pain that accompanies pathalogical deceit.
I've been rescued by God Himself. And I'll tell you my take on this whole rescue-thing. Often times, we girls want the fairytale rescue. The one where the princess is in distress, or asleep (same thing if you ask me, but that's another blog for another day), and her prince charges in to rescue her. Fast forward--she's in Vera Wang, waving to her wedding guest from a freaking pumpkin carriage.
I actually bought into this crap for years. I did! I'm embarassed to confess this because deep down I knew better. By the grace of God, I'm no longer in bondage to the effects of child sexual abuse. And yes, Christ--my Prince, rescued me. No doubt. But He didn't fast forward me out of distress. We journeyed together to a better place. I liken our journey to the movie Shrek, where Princess Fiona is rescued, but must traverse rugged territory with her Prince in order to arrive to her desired destination. The journey is where their relationship was forged. The journey is where she discovered friendship and true love.
The same is true for me. Last Friday, I was what a friend of mine refers to as "sucker punched." I got a little info. that set me back a bit. And I've been kind of all over the place emotionally for several days. So, as I remind you that the journey back from a broken heart is important (even the ugly days), I remind myself for the gazillionth time: The journey to wholeness is to faithfully walk hand in hand with Truth on an exclusive path of truth. This is reality. And I am dedicated to this process at all costs, for I walk with the One who endured the cost of my redemption.
Reality is, only the truth sets us free. (John 8:32) How about you? Are you dedicated to reality?
You are not alone,
Published on Wednesday, April 30, 2014 @ 2:24 PM CDT