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Click the heart to sponsor my service work at Valiant Hearts throughout the month of October. In their weekly support group, I will offer practical steps to overcoming the effects of childhood sexual abuse. For more information about this organization, visit www.valianthearts.org
This morning, my reaction to loss included googling: grief. Here's what I found:
"Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, spiritual, and philosophical demensions. While the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement refers to the state of loss, and grief is the reaction to loss."
Here's a peek at what I say to myself as I grieve:
"Grief is multifaceted." Down-shift, sister. Healing takes time. And time takes time. Grieving involves so much more than simply allowing yourself to feel painful emotions. You're not overly-sensitive. This is a big deal.
- Emotional. He moved out June, 2013. You're not sad because he left. You're sad because somewhere along the line you had to leave you in order to cope with his destructive behavior in the marriage.
- Physical. You're fatigued. The neck and back pain has returned, along with tightness in the jaw-line. Take deep breaths. Stay hydrated. Ride your bike when your broken toe is healed, which by the way, would heal a lot faster if you'd stop pretending it's not broken. This is a lesson from God: STOP minimizing your pain.
- Cognitive. After 18 years, the left side of your brain is finally in agreement with the right side of your brain: It's over. Develop new routines. Write down new life goals. You already know God will direct each step. Go for it, sister!
- Behavioral. 1. Who knew that saying what you WANT to say on his voicemail, playing it back to yourself, and then erasing it, would bring so much satisfaction. Way to go! 2. Drinking beer is like eating bread. Do you want to wear that bikini this summer or not?
- Social. Time to get out there and meet some single friends. All your girlfriends are married. You need some peeps who are free to hang out on weekends. You spend entirely too much time alone. P.S. Avoid man-haters, drama-queens, and takers.
- Spiritual. You're learning to relate to Jesus, single. What new facets of Him and yourself will you encounter? "All things new."
- Philosophical. God, for the longest time, I wanted to know how and why he could have done what he did to me. But I realize now, that's his problem, not mine. What troubles me is how and why I could allow him to treat me so poorly for as long as I did. This, I bring to you. This is why I grieve. It hurts more than I want it to. And yet, I believe it's a necessary part of healing. Is this what it means to cry for oneself? Are the tears I now cry for myself the mark of "and you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free?"
You are not alone,
Published on Wednesday, April 9, 2014 @ 12:06 PM CDT