Yesterday I purchased organic ant killer. "Safe for kids and animals." Three hours later it was clear to me why the label bragged: Safe for kids and animals. I still had ants in my life. The only visible difference was the ants were no longer marching one by one, but rather, staggering. If ants could speak, I imagine they'd have shouted, Hey lady! Thanks for the free buzz! (If there's any way to transition this information into a meaningful message, I have no idea how to do it. Consider it a deficit in my capacity to blog and carry on.)
As you can see at the top of this page, my last name is now Redroad. It's Native American for the good path. And like so many other changes in my life--it's bitter-sweet. It marks the point of no return--an outward sign of an inward commitment to follow Jesus at all cost. And this year, I followed Jesus right out of my marriage. What? Hold on there, Sister! God hates divorce!
I agree. I have 18 years of "praying and staying" that testify to just how much I, too, hate divorce. But you see, God also hates any form of abuse. This past year has been incredibly painful. So painful, that somewhere in a parallel universe it continues on. (I'm joking.)
There are so many things I want to tell you about what I've learned and continue to learn. Like, how in the world I went from the marriage you see when you read the blogs written by "married me," to what you read today.
I've spent the last year on bended knees asking God (and my psychologist) to explain how I got from A to B--or "D." Divorced and starting over at 46 years of age. For months I said I didn't see it coming. Today, I can tell you, I was blind.
How is this possible? Jesus clearly says in John 8:31-32, "If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." What kind of person questions Jesus about this? I'll tell ya who. A newly divorced Christian woman who stayed and prayed for 18 years, never stopped reading her Bible, loved her some Jesus, but was blind and in bondage in regards to her marriage.
So, off I went. Boldly. To the throne. "Jesus, I abide in Your word. But I was blind in my marriage. I need to know how this happened. If I need to be like Jacob in the Old Testament and wrestle you, fine. But I already walk with a limp. If You have no plans to answer me, then you'll have to kill me to shut me up. Amen."
(Spoiler alert.) I'm not dead. He answered. True to form, with a story. A story I've read a gazillion times and yet when He told it to me, I was so relieved I nearly peed my pants.
Enter wilderness (Matthew 4: 1-11), where Jesus, on the heels of a forty day fast, is tempted by Satan. And what, pray tell, did Satan use in the hopes of hindering Jesus from seeing the whole truth? The Word. And what did Jesus use to stop Satan in his tracks? The Word.
I thought I knew this story. I thought wrong. Jesus opened my eyes (wink) to the combination tactic the enemy used in an attempt to defeat Him.
1.) the Word
2.) God given ability and desire
3.) weariness due to deprivation
This blog is a two part-er. Please, please, please, (did I just beg?) read Matthew 4: 1-11 and meet me back here this Friday. I'll show you exactly how a girl can abide in the word and be deceived in her marriage (or anything else, for that matter).
You are not alone,
Published on Wednesday, June 11, 2014 @ 3:23 PM CDT