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"Wendy Redroad is our go-to girl on the topic of forgiveness. She shares a powerful journey intertwining healing and forgiveness for women who've suffered all manner of abuse. She is relatable, compassionate, and biblically sound in her approach as she takes women by the hand and gently walks them through their own journey to healing and freedom."

--www.valianthearts.org 

 

 

 

 

Redroad Outreach has a matching donor for up to 7,500.00!

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Wednesday, November 13, 2019 5:36 PM

He Passed Away In His Sleep

Wednesday, November 13, 2019 5:36 PM
Wednesday, November 13, 2019 5:36 PM

Roger Elwood Strassner.

My stepfather.

30 years ago I was pregnant with my second child when my mother's hair dresser arranged for their blind date.

He joined us for Easter dinner. My mother cautioned us not to embarrass her . . . to no avail.

When my first son filled his diaper at the dinner table, I turned to ask, "Christopher, are you packing a load?"

It didn't take long for us to learn that Roger had a twisted sense of humor just like the rest of us. He fit right in.

I lost my biological father three years ago. I love him. I miss him. I find myself longing, still, for all that might have been. For many reasons, he did not have the capacity to return the reach when I extended my arms.(Although he did on his death bed.) A memory I cherish.

Roger . . . . "Rodge"; aka Grandpa Rah Rah--he was my daddy. I'm going to blog about him. I am. But for now, I'm in the midst of the delicate balance of lay ministry and grieving the unexpected loss of a man I loved dearly. Dearly.

When I kicked off my pilot program on forgiveness at Good Shepherd Catholic Community, Roger's words to me where, "Kick ass, kid."

Who's going to tell me to kick ass as I fight for the needs of victims and secondary victims of abuse, abandonment, and traumatic betrayal? Who's going to drink ice cold German beer with me and ignore my mother as she counts the bottles we throw into the bin?

I miss him so. He passed away unexpectedly in his sleep just a few days before my next visit. I'd already purchased the ingredients for meatloaf (one of his favorites). I'd already planned to show up with German beer on ice.

My heart is broken. This is his favorite time of year. Winter chill. Beer on ice. Home cooked meals. Music. Birds. Deer(Their house is nestled in the woods.)

His love for nature made every gift of nature--greater than what I arleady believe it was and still is.

Please join me in prayer for the repose of his soul. Rest.

Roger was good to me. As you know, so many bad things have happened to me as a child.

Roger was good to me.

Good. To. Me.

goodtomegoodtomegoodtome

There's a hole in the universe because he is not here.

I'm so aware . . .

God Almighty, I miss him.

Peace and good, Rodge. Be received into the Light.

You are light.

 

Tuesday, October 1, 2019 11:10 AM

Forgiveness Is GREEK to Me!

Tuesday, October 1, 2019 11:10 AM
Tuesday, October 1, 2019 11:10 AM

I don't question the commandment to forgive. I'm a soldier of Christ--it's my call of duty. (If only what I'm called to do would stop bumping up against what I seemingly cannot do.)

"I Don't Get It." There's a scene in the 1988 movie BIG that best illustrates my struggle to "get" what I'd always been taught about forgiveness. A young boy named Josh Baskin (played by Tom Hanks) is trapped inside the body of a thirty-year-old man. He acquires a job at McMillan Toys and finds himself in a meeting where a co-worker utilizes charts and graphs to communicate the value of his product. Sure of his delivery, the man smugly asks in closing, "Any questions?"

Josh uses his peripheral vision to scan the room for someone--anyone who appears to be thinking what he is. No visible signs of validation. Still a child on the inside, he half-raises his hand and in a sheepish tone, says, "I don't get it."

For many years I sought the wisdom of what "grown ups" had to say about the topic of forgiveness. I read their books. I prayed their prayers. I recited their words of affirmation, but like Josh, the child inside me didn't get it. Not once did I raise my hand and confess the struggle; I tried harder. My adult efforts to get forgiveness "right," muffled the sound of Christ calling to the confused kid in my heart. The one who like Josh Baskin, failed to grasp what I was taught as I longed to understand.

I can't tell you how to forgive in a single-prayer-filled bound because that's not how it rolled out for me. (Though it does for some.) All I have to offer is my witness--what happened when I became like a little child, half-raised my hand toward heaven, and confessed: I don't get it. And I really don't get Mark 11: 25--26. It's a real crusher, Jesus. 'Just saying.

"And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive your trespasses."

Why would Jesus tell the brokenhearted and exploited that if they do not forgive, God will not forgive them? I'll say out loud what a lot of folks think: What an insensitive thing to say to someone who is clearly suffering!

Bingo. When I read the eleventh chapter of Mark in its entirety, I see that Jesus was not addressing a battered women's shelter that day.

He'd just come from the temple where he'd overturned the tables of money-changers, and the seats of those who sold doves. He was fed up with the hypocrisy of the scribes and chief priests, and with bull-whip in hand, expressed his Father's hot displeasure. Jesus was angry.

Within the context of pride and arrogance stern and admonishing words are often necessary. Jesus sees the contents of my heart. When I'm hypocritical and judgmental, he turns the tables over in my heart, and I find out in a hurry, I'm not too grown up to be disciplined. 

When my heart is broken by the careless sin of another, He draws me with cords of loving-kindness. It is not the nature of Christ to point a condemning finger at a little lamb who's caught in the thickets of an honest struggle to forgive. It's his nature to untangle it and carry it home.

Often times, well-meaning clergy and lay ministers are quick to affirm the benefits of forgiveness but fail to recognize the validation and comfort many need to fully heal and forgive as Christ commands--from the heart. 

Mark 11:25--26 may not have been directly spoken to victims and secondary victims of abuse/betrayal that day, but the fact remains; the Christian imperative to forgive is directed to all believers. Today, I see this passage in a way that is relevant to the struggle without compromising its integrity.

"And whenever you stand praying,
if you have anything against anyone,
forgive him,
that your Father in heaven
may also forgive your trespasses" (Mark 11:25).


Forgiveness is GREEK to me!


The Strong's Greek transliteration for stand is to stand firm; persevere.

Forgive (aphiemi) translates to: lay aside, leave, let go

af-ee'-ay-mee (phonetic spelling) derives from apo and hiemi. (to send; to send forth, in various applications (as follow): cry, forgive, forsake, lay aside, leave, let (alone, be, go, have), omit, put (send) away, remit, suffer, yield up.

It's origin is apo; a primary particle; "off," i.e. away (from something near), in various senses of place, time, or relation; lit. or fig.) In composition (as a prefix) it usually denotes separation, departure, cessation, completion or reversal, etc. (copyright 1995, 1996 by Thomas Nelson.)

As you can see, there's a bit more to forgiving one's enemy than mere words we  speak from our lips with hearts in protest. Jesus says we must forgive from our hearts. What I've come to realize in my faith journey is that when my heart is too broken to forgive, Jesus will wipe my tear-stained cheeks, offer his sleeve in place of a tissue, and invite me into the heart of the matter. Will I follow?


The Heart of Mark 11: 25--26

1) When I pray fervently in daily distress, I am standing in prayer.

2) When I tell God what I hold against the person who harmed me, I am "sending, remitting, yielding up"--to Him, my grievances.

3) When I am willing to "lay aside" the belief that it is immoral to feel intense emotion when I have suffered harm, I will "cry". I will "suffer." I will "yield up" to God exactly what I think and feel about the harm done to me.

4) Christ, whom suffered to redeem it all, will redeem it all. And over time I am released from the prison of toxic emotion and forgiven for my destructive expressions of them. I experience the daily conversion of heart.

5) When it's time. He prompts me to forgive from my heart. And it is an honest gift, not given begrudgingly, but with the love Jesus first gave to me.

This is the miracle of authentic forgiveness. This is my prayer for you.

 

Peace and good to you,

Wendy

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