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"Wendy Redroad is our go-to girl on the topic of forgiveness. She shares a powerful journey intertwining healing and forgiveness for women who've suffered all manner of abuse. She is relatable, compassionate, and biblically sound in her approach as she takes women by the hand and gently walks them through their own journey to healing and freedom."

--Carrie Gurley [Executive Director] Valiant Hearts

 

 

 

 

Contribute to Redroad Outreach

Click the heart to sponsor my service work at Valiant Hearts throughout the month of October. In their weekly support group, I will present practical steps to overcoming the effects of childhood sexual abuse. For more information, visit www.valianthearts.org

 

Tuesday, June 28, 2011 2:44 PM

Anonymous from Texas writes:

Tuesday, June 28, 2011 2:44 PM
Tuesday, June 28, 2011 2:44 PM

I'm a single mother of three, dating a recovering alcoholic. He's had five DWI's and has been sober for six months. He is committed to his sobriety and God. He has to be at this point, quite frankly, it's mandated by the state. When do I know things are okay to move forward in our relationship?

Dear Anonymous,

That's a tough question. And tough questions rarely have easy answers. If I were sitting across a table from you at Starbucks, I'd ask how you met him, how long you've been a single mother, and whether or not your ex-husband battles addiction.

Since I don't have answers to these questions, I encourage you to consider three very important aspects:

1. the effects a relapse would have on you and your children
2. the reality of the long road to recovery
3. the potential financial hardship

Read more
Tuesday, March 22, 2011 11:01 AM

Drinking to Feel

Tuesday, March 22, 2011 11:01 AM
Tuesday, March 22, 2011 11:01 AM

Last Tuesday, I posted an excerpt from Saddled by Susan Richards. Sitting in an A.A. meeting, she notices that most of the attendees are capable of doing something all human beings are created to do, but evaded her all her life--feel. She comments, "The men and women didn't sound numb anymore. They were angry and scared and depressed. They were also hopeful and funny and grateful . . . The word that came to mind was whole. After years of shutting down all parts of themselves with alcohol, they were finally whole human beings."

Today, I address the other side of the "drinking coin." Drinking to feel. This was big for me. I remember well, the struggle to experience grief as I attended therapy for survivors of sexual abuse. I couldn't cry; couldn't grieve. Even as I abstained from alcohol, I was numb.

And one evening after group therapy, after all the reality I could stand, I drove to the liquor store. I drank, and for the first time in a long time, I felt. I felt overwhelming sadness. Ancient tears streamed down my cheeks and with those tears came relief. It felt good to cry. The only problem was, I couldn't cry without alcohol. I was incapable of letting my guard down without a few drinks.

I did what I always encourage you to do. I told God everything. Over and over, until one day I realized that I didn't need alcohol to cry anymore. It was safe to feel sad in the presence of a God who never once judged me or told me to go away and come back when I didn't smell of vodka.

He loved me then, just as I was. He loves me now, just as I am. I focused on Him and sought after Him with all my fears and all my flaws. He made me whole. He awakened me to how wonderful it is to feel angry or sad or embarrassed and it not be attached to the memories of abuse. He freed me to feel. He transformed me into a whole human being.

The man-made ways to feel or not feelinclude everything from shoes to Chardonnay. So if alcohol abuse/addiction doesn't apply to you, what does? Do you shop to feel? Eat? Starve yourself? Exercise compulsively? Spend hours on Facebook?

How do you attempt to numb or feel? Focus on the One who does not condemn you. Focus on the One who loves you now, just as you are, whose love will bring liberty from the ways you cope. Whose love will make you whole.

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