I'm sorting through previous blogs. I didn't think I was ready, but I thought wrong. (Not a first for me.)
(From my archives. Feb. 13, 2013.)
Last Saturday night, while in a traffic jam, I marveled at my iPhone's use of green and red lines to communicate why the ability to accelerate my Toyota Rav4 at 65 mph so I could arrive at home and in bed by ten o'clock, was now compromised.
My green and red "friends" repeatedly said (without actually saying) Your dream of falling fast asleep under the warmth of your comforter is not destined to come true. Wake up! Dream another dream!
And so I did what all practical girls do. I dreamt another dream. One that had me gently tucked in at 11:30 PM. I have total favor with God in my new and improved dream, which is to say, I can skip my Origins face wash without succumbing to stronger acne medication the next day. All is well, in the name of Jesus.
It's been awhile since I last blogged. That's because in the days that followed my last post, two bombs went off in my life.
Bomb number 1: For the second time in three short years, a beloved over-a-decade long friendship is coming to a close (in the earthly realm) due to breast cancer. I. Hate. Cancer. My heart is broken.
The second bomb must remain private, for now anyway.
Can I just tell you something? Life is not always peachy. I am not always peachy. But when you live in the Bible belt, home of the I'm-fine-smile, it's not easy to confess your life has been turned upside down and that your Chrisitan walk resembles more of a limp.
But nevertheless, everything is not fine. It doesn't mean I don't love the Lord. It doesn't mean there's sin in my life. It just means that life is not always peachy. Sometimes it's heartbreaking.
If you are facing tremendous loss, and all you want to do is crawl into bed until spring arrives, I get it. You are not alone. Beneath my own blankets, I remember you in my prayers.
Together, let's hold our faces up to the light. The Light that guides us through when we have no idea when or how we will get to the other side of painful circumstances. Modern technology cannot bring us to the shoreline. In Christ alone, we must place our trust. And at times, dream new dreams.
"Everything works out in the end. If it hasn't worked out yet, then it's not the end." --UNKOWN
Published on Saturday, January 4, 2014 @ 7:04 AM CDT
There was a time in my life when I could only focus on the person who hurt me. In 2000, that person was my drug-addicted husband, Michael. We had just separated and I struggled to raise a baby and two school-aged sons on my own. If I wasn't talking about him, I was thinking about him. I had a sponsor at the time who would say, "Wendy, Michael takes up so much space in your head you should collect rent!"
She always got straight to the point. I loved her boldness, though it infuriated me at times (mostly because she was right). She allowed me to whine about Michael for fifteen minutes before she'd stop me and say, "We can talk about Michael all day but it won't get you any closer to the truth or the solution."
She knew the solution would come when I asked God to reveal more of Himself as I practiced keeping my eyes on my own life. It was a hard truth in the beginning. My husband's choices were much more destructive than mine and I knew, just knew, that if he would listen to me he would see the error of his ways, clean up, and rejoin our family. But it didn't happen that way.
My circumstances didn't shift until I determined to focus on God and my own life. As they say in twelve-step programs: Keep your side of the street clean. He continued to use drugs. I continued to ask God to reveal more of Himself to me. And He faithfully began to heal me from the inside out. I slowly gained freedom from co-dependancy. And when that happened, my husband received eyes to see his destructive behavior. Why? Because when I stopped acting like a crazy person his own crazy behavior became obvious to him.
I learned that when one crazy person accuses another crazy person of being crazy no one gets better. No one gets better because no one is focused on the solution. But it only takes one redeemed person to change the atmosphere in a home. So take God's hand and start with yourself. That is the solution. Simple, yet not easy. I'm here to support you in the process.
Where is your focus? Are you caught up in the mental gymnastics of meditating on another person's destructive behavior? Are you willing to humbly ask God to reveal Himself to you?
"And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the speck in your own?" (Matthew 7:3)
When we listen to what God has to say about our own hearts and do what He says even when it's hard, we find freedom. "And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." (John 8:32 NKJV)
Published on Saturday, August 4, 2012 @ 7:28 AM CDT