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"Many times they afflicted me from my youth, yet they have not prevailed against me" (Ps 129:2).
Channel surfing, I came across the Life Today show. Beth Moore was teaching. She shared that one of her daughters was hospitalized as a child due to excessive vomiting. During her stay she received several homemade cards from her fellow classmates: "Get well soon." (Things of this nature.) One of the cards was so endearing, it was gently placed in a mother's keepsake box. In a precious child's writing, it reads: I thrupt too!
Beth said this card resonated with her because although we always need and appreciate the prayers and encouraging words of others, sometimes, what we need most is for someone to identify with our pain and suffering.
I get this. This past year has been one of the most confusing and painful years of my life. Believe me, I've run the gamut of good and bad days. Just last night a friend asked me how I was doing, to which I replied, "I'm well. Thanks!"
She smiled one of those half-belief smiles and asked, "How are you really?"
I, in turn, smiled an okay-if-you-really-want-to-know smile and confessed, "I really am well, which in Hebrew, means safe, and protected. And God is faithfully healing me a little more each day. BUT, occasionaly, if hate were people--I'd be China."
We both laughed. I'm not really full of hate the size of China. But twice this week, I sure felt like I was and I needed to laugh about it. To me, the hardest part of healing is the unexpected waves of intense emotion that can re-visit after a long reprieve. Nowadays, it's easier to remind myself "this too shall pass," just like it did the last time. And the time before that. And the time before that.
I've been thinking a lot about what all I might say in the months to come. Originally, i'd envisioned a neatly packaged ministry where I share my "experience, strength, and hope"--as they say in twelve-step programs. But truth is, I'm compelled to share my weaknesses as well. It appears, women benefit more from this. I think it's because Christ's strength shines the brightest when we're honest about our very human struggles. More than anything, I want you to feel validated in the midst of healing, when intense emotion arises after a heart break. I suppose, this website is my way to say to you: I Thruptoo!
Here's the grown-up version.
Have you ever:
been betrayed by your best friend? Me too.
been deceived by your spouse? Me too.
loved someone who battles addiction? Me too.
raised a rebellious teenager(s)? Me too.
suffered childhood sexual abuse? Me too.
been emotionally, physically, and spiritually abused? Me too.
been hurt in church? Me too.
had a baby out of wedlock? Me too.
used drugs or alchohol to cope with the pain? Me too.
been divorced? Me too?
been a single mother? Me too.
And I know in my bones, the love of God is faithful and unfailing. It's my heart's desire to be honest with you, really honest, about how His love manifested in my life in the midst of each and every one of these circumstances and how He continues to love me today. And if for some reason, today you struggle to know in your bones that God loves you, I believe for you.
You are not alone.
Published on Monday, April 13, 2015 @ 12:10 PM CDT
"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."
--The Gospel of St. Thomas Logian
Confession is the springboard to healing. Often times, it's what we don't tell God that hinders healing and the ability to forgive. When I share my thoughts with God, He responds. In His presence I receive a fresh perspective of myself and others. In His presence my heart concedes He has my best interest at heart. I dare to believe, really believe, He, too, believes in me. Flawed, fragile, desperate-for-Jesus me.
Is there something you need to say to God, but you've been puting it off? I encourage you to find a quiet place today. Take a few minutes, and tell Him.
Published on Wednesday, April 2, 2014 @ 11:56 AM CDT