Me to my friend, Carrie: I'm trying so hard to believe the very best about my situation, but my thoughts are so conflicting that I don't have any real discernment about it.
Me to Jesus, the next day: I can't see. Please give me a scripture that speaks to my circumstances.
I open my Bible.
Jesus to me (literally, ya'll. The text is red.): "Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. (Matthew 7:5 NKJV)
After reading this I'm reminded of my son, Zachary, when he came home the other day, held his smelly bare foot up to my face and said, "Mom, there's something wrong with my foot. It hurts. What do you see?"
Smart kid. He couldn't see WHY it hurt. He only knew it hurt. So he asked me to take a look and report back.
Why do I forget to do the same with God? I pray. I study. I labor under the delusion that I must identify the source of my pain or fear or whatever it is I'm allowing the enemy to torture me with, AND THEN I ask for God's strength. Puh-lease! Talk about a self-righteous plank in the eye.
Me to Jesus: Hey, Jesus, something is hindering my ability to discern what I should do about my circumstances. Will you look into my heart and tell me what you see? All I know is I hate the way I feel.
Published on Monday, February 4, 2013 @ 7:28 PM CDT
My husband and our youngest son went deer hunting in Wyoming this past week. So tomorrow is our family's official Thanksgiving-dinner-day. My grand plans to write and blog and recharge doing "chick things" were squelched when our yellow lab, Hannah Banana, decided to eat something that has no place in a dog's tummy.
So, Wednesday night I was at the Vet's office having her x-rayed. She's better. Looks like she'll avoid surgery, though I'm a little worse for wear despite the fact that I was alone most of the time. Just picture me in the backyard at three in the morning with a flashlight praying the dog will poop!
I did manage to do a little reading. This slayed me:
"I suppose a sensible way to gauge virtue is to examine how the virtuous behave when things disappoint them." --Rhoda Janzed, Mennonite in a Little Black Dress (A Memoir of Going Home)
Oh how I wish to be a better human being than the one I saw in the mirror last night after venting to a relative I'm blessed to see maybe once a year. I was tired. I was angry. I was wrong to think I could maintain my composure under the circumstances. This morning I awoke more disappointed in myself than in the other person.
Of course I apologized. Of course. But the regret . . . I'm still learning. I still fall on my knees, desperate for my Savior, grateful that HOW I acted is not WHO I am or how I carry myself from one day to the next. For that I am truly grateful.
"A fool vents his feelings, but a wise man holds them back." Proverbs 29:11
I learned this one the hard way.
Published on Saturday, November 24, 2012 @ 3:29 PM CDT