I apologize for the long break in blogging. My heart aches over the sudden departure of two loved ones. I do my level best to focus on what I am to accomplish each day as waves of emotion slam against a heart that kicks and screams to understand why.
I lie in bed at night. Stare at the ceiling. I shut my eyes, hoping to lasso the untamed "whys" as they circle my bed in mid-air. And then I remember. The eyes of the Lord do not slumber.
Some nights this is enough for me. I let my mind go. My body follows. I am asleep. Other nights, I find rest in knowing I am not alone. I am not at the mercy of godless insomnia. I am at the mercy of a promise. A promise to be held when human efforts fail. When the sheer intensity of loss overtakes me, I ask God--who created me to feel so passionately, to take hold of me. He does.
I can rest in the knowledge that He's alongside me--staring at the ceiling. I can.
"In returning and rest you shall be saved; In quietness and confidence shall be your strength" Isaiah 30:15b NKJV).
You are not alone,
Published on Tuesday, September 29, 2015 @ 7:33 PM CDT
Deep down, I know. I control nothing. Like the sun, I rose this morning because God said Wake up sleepy head.
I go to work. Get paid. Tithe. Pay bills. Fund the savings account when I can. Shop a little when I can. And then I forget. I control nothing. Visible provision fosters the feeling that it's me who directs my fate. Awe, Control. The grand illusion. I confess. I like the illusion.
When provision shines high in the sky I "cast my care upon the Lord" with ease. But what about seasons of financial overcast when my trust in God is tested in the midst of what I can't see. In the absence of sun-shiny-provision the doubt in my heart is exposed.
When fear and uncertainty arise. I confess. I confess because the tender mercies of a loving Father compel me to tell the truth. I tell. He listens. I cry. He comforts. I wait (longer than I'd prefer). And then God commands provision to shine brightly once again.
I feel badly about the times I can't offer Him 100% trust. He is, after all, 100% trustworthy. I thank Him for loving me regardless. I thank Him for loving me enough to cloud the traditional ways my needs are met just long enough to remind me that He is my Source. Though the channels may change, the Source remains the same.
Faithful God is in control.
"Believe more deeply. Hold your face up to the light even though for the moment you do not see." --Bill Wilson
What are you weathering in life today? Does provision shine brightly, or are you in a season of overcast and uncertainty?
You are not alone,
Published on Tuesday, August 18, 2015 @ 12:56 PM CDT