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Deep down, I know. I control nothing. Like the sun, I rose this morning because God said Wake up sleepy head.
I go to work. Receive a living wage. Tithe. Pay bills. Fund the savings account when I can. Shop a little when I can. And then I forget. I control nothing. Visible provision fosters the feeling that it's me who directs my fate. Awe . . . control. The grand illusion. I confess. I like the illusion.
When provision shines high in the sky I "cast my care upon the Lord" with ease. But what about seasons of financial overcast when my trust in God is tested in the midst of what I can't see. In the absence of sun-shiny-provision the doubt in my heart is exposed.
When fear and uncertainty arise. I confess. I confess because the tender mercies of Eternal Father Almighty God compel me to lean in and tell the truth. I tell. He listens. I cry. He comforts. I wait (longer than I'd prefer). And then God commands provision to shine brightly once again.
I feel badly about the times I can't offer Him 100% trust. He is, after all, 100% trustworthy. I thank Him for loving me regardless. I thank Him for loving me enough to cloud the traditional ways my needs are met just long enough to remind me that He is my Source. Though the channels may change, the Source remains the same.
Faithful God is in control.
"Believe more deeply. Hold your face up to the light even though for the moment you do not see." --Bill Wilson
What are you weathering in life today? Does provision shine brightly, or are you in a season of overcast and uncertainty?
You are not alone,
Published on Tuesday, August 18, 2015 @ 12:56 PM CDT
God, in His graciousness, seeks to bring light into dark places. Lately, He's been cleansing an area in my heart that has nothing to do with past sexual abuse. About three years ago, I received clear instruction from God to step out and be vulnerable before a loved one, who for reasonable reasons, I didn't fully trust. I was obedient. Initially all was well. Three months later the roof caved in. And I was quite sure it had caved in on my head. Suffice to say, I was hurt, angry, and confused.
Fast forward: Trust in my loved one was growing. But honestly, my trust in the Lord regarding this person, was not. Now, I love, love, love, the Lord. BUT I didn't know how to reconcile His asking me to step out with how it affected me. I felt like the God of the universe had thrown me under the bus. (Don't worry, if comments like this were cause to be struck by lightening, I would have been reduced to a heap of ashes long ago.)
I couldn't stop thinking about how "ripped-off" the whole incident made me feel. It was time to let it go. Time to get real with God.
I confessed my distrust in Him regarding this particular area in my life. And I quickly learned:
My darkest hours do not represent a day in time, when horrible things happened to me on earth. 2 Peter 3:8 is a reminder that God is not bound by time and space.
"But do not forget this one thing, dear friends; With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day."
My darkest hour represents the darkest place in my heart--the part that convinces me to despair. No breakthroughs for you, Wendy. You'll never get past this. Part of me believes the lie, though most of me knows better.
And so, it is I who leaves a part of my heart withering in the dark. Not God, who's always reaching for me with loving arms. He longs to pull me out of the pit that deceives me into fearing that this time, darkness overshadows divine Light. Over and over, the pit whispers, "Avenge yourself, protect yourself!"
But Light whispers too. He tells me what to pray. "I believe Lord, help me with my unbelief." (Mark 9:24 NIV) And in that moment, Light pierces me. I am re-wounded. The blood of an unhealed wound is absorbed in the blood of Christ. I am consecrated and suddenly, all things are possible in Him. (Matthew 9:26 NIV)
Miraculously, an incident that hurt for a thousand years, is put in its rightful place--a day. I gain eternal perspective.
Question: If you have something in your heart with which you struggle to trust God, will you consider going to Him and telling Him how you feel? Close with this beautiful prayer, "I believe Lord, help me with my unbelief."
Published on Wednesday, January 28, 2015 @ 11:24 AM CDT