I lit a candle for you Christmas morning. Prayed that within your circumstances and throughout the day you would know you are held by God. Because believe it or not--you are. Yesterday morning the reality of His true love for you and me swelled in my heart until drops of humble thanks spilled from my eyes. And then the sun rose in my heart right there in my kitchen with a great cup of coffee and a bright, shiny new year just around the bend.
I remember the contents of my tears last Christmas. Loss. Confusion. Desperate to remain functional with a house full of family and a heart that longed for closure.
I'm not confused anymore. Not desperate. I no longer look back. It was the hardest journey I've ever taken. But I embraced it. I faced some pretty harsh realities about myself and my relationships. I had days when I wondered if I would ever fully heal. Wondered if it was worth it--to allow myself to feel a pain so overwhelming that most days it took my breath away.
It was totally worth it. God does not break promises. It's a new day! This year I will enter into a new facet of healing with new life lessons.
Lesson #1 There is a measure of healing I do not believe I would have received had I not spent so much time alone with God--confessing every crappy feeling I had. (This is the lonely and totally unfair phase of the journey where you think you're gonna die from the pain or worse--live forever, but with no life.)
The phase I'm entering into now is the one where there is a measure of healing I do not believe I can receive without intimate relationships with others. Not a crowd of people--mind you. This is not to be confused with the exploitation of a warm body to fill a void or time or anything. I'm talking about the types of relationships that either bump up against or positively reinforce what you learned about yourself when you were isolated. Both dynamics are a blessing.
It's my considered opinion that most people skip the first part of healing and move too quickly into relationships they are not ready for. Be it a friendship or something romantic.
If you're in the first phase of this sort of healing, I encourage you to become solid in Christ. In due time, He'll place the right people in your life to shape who you've become.
Here's a gift for the journey that continues to serve me well:
You have to meet people where they are . . . and sometimes you have to leave them there to fully embrace who God created you to be.
Merry Christmas, Beloved. You are not alone,
Published on Friday, December 26, 2014 @ 10:41 AM CDT