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The ex-hubs led me to believe I was to blame for the tension that ultimately choked the life out of our marriage.
"All we did was argue, and I didn't like how you spoke to me."
To this day these are the staple retorts for why he "had to leave." For the longest time when he'd say this it was like taking a bullet. I knew in my heart that I was for him and for our family and for our marriage. I had a journal chalked with prayers for him. Gratitude lists recorded on the days he made life so much harder than I knew it had to be. But still, I internalized the blame. I allowed his harmful actions to become secondary to my (as it turns out--very normal) re-actions to long-term deceit and betrayal.
Consider the phrase: Cause and effect. When the "cause" can convince the "effect" it's to blame, then there is no hope of change or healing or anything remotely healthy. There is no hope because this dynamic lacks empathy, honesty, and accountability. It lacks . . . love.
zero empathy + zero honesty + zero accountability = multiple arguments (Where is the symbol for infinity when you need it?)
Now for the quote God used to wake me from this nightmare:
"Controllers, abusers, and manipulative people don't question themselves. They don't ask themselves if the problem is them. They always say the problem is someone else."
This is why Ephesians 5:6 cautions "do not be deceived with empty words."
Another eye opener for me is 2 Peter 2: 19b: "for by whom a person is overcome, by him he is also brought into bondage."
What lies, verbal or implied, have you internalized as truth? Girl, if you've been devalued and deceived and you know in your heart you loved with all sincerity, lift your chin toward heaven today and ask God for the truth. Open your beautiful eyes to beautiful YOU.
"Awake, you who sleep,
Arise from the dead,
And Christ will give you light."
(Eph. 5:14 NKJV)
You are not alone,
Published on Wednesday, October 1, 2014 @ 8:45 AM CDT