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"Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts, and in the hidden part You will make me to know wisdom." (Psalm 51: 6 NKJV)
I love the Lord. Really. I do. But I'm gonna go out on a limb today and confess to you that there are parts inside me that don't always feel loving. Parts that want to shake a fist at God and cry out, "Why is another long-time friend of mine terminal with cancer? And why does yet another friend have to deal with the news that her husband of over twenty-five years now has cancer in his lymph system?
On a day when I'm not feeling so why-God-why, I would tell you that I do not believe God's children suffer in vain. Ever. I believe in my heart that when our suffering appears senseless; meaningless, something greater is accomplished. Something we cannot see in the earthly realm we live in.
If only my inward parts . . . those doubting, angry, grief-stricken parts would yield to wisdom. In retrospect, I suppose they did yield a little today. I sat at a picnic table and enjoyed a slice of pepperoni pizza with a cold coke. I sat. I ate. I people watched. I felt His presence. I appreciated the fact that despite all my grumbling and minor to moderate meltdowns, Wisdom sat with me. Hope He likes cold coke and pepperoni pizza. I KNOW He likes people. With this simple act of loving kindness, I remembered that I'm not alone. As I drove home I sensed myself rounding the corner of why-God-why to the peace that surpasses all understanding.
Why, just this morning I said to my husband, "I'd like to get through one day without having a meltdown."
"Yes. I'd like that too." (smile)
Published on Wednesday, December 5, 2012 @ 1:33 PM CDT