Discovering Divine Purpose in the Passions

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Mission EDIFY is a grassroots movement fortifying adults affected by abuse, exploitation, and traumatic betrayal. United in charity, let us strive to

Enlighten faith communities to the unspoken needs of the traumatized.
Defend human dignity.
Introduce a compassionate path to forgiveness.
Foster daily conversion.
Yield to mercy--with justice.


Please pardon the disappearance as Hannah and I prepare to head over to Mission EDIFY this January!

Monday, January 17, 2011 3:21 PM

Are you a good friend to yourself?

Monday, January 17, 2011 3:21 PM
Monday, January 17, 2011 3:21 PM

In 1997 (a time when my life was falling spectacularly apart), I entered into my first mentoring relationship (a.k.a. sponsorship, if you happen to be a twelve-stepper). I was lonely, I was afraid, I was lonely. One of the first principles my mentor taught me about friendship is: You must first become the kind of friend you want to have.

I made a list of attributes I wanted in a friend and sought God for blessed transformation. Over time, I became that friend. Over a decade later, I still had not "reaped what I sowed". I was exhausted from giving to friends who did not give back. Seriously, I had a friend whom I invited over for dinner quite regularly, who once threw a party, asked me to bake the dessert, but never invited me to her party. And I actually baked dessert, took it to her house and said, "Have a great time!" Oh, how I weep for the woman I once was!

At age forty-three, this is what I learned when I examined my "friendships." I had become a good friend to everyone but myself. In my quest for approval, I was willing to be quite callous with my own heart. Ouch! And I'll tell you where it all started: in church. I was rejected in church as a little girl by legalistic authorities and somewhere along the line, I came to believe that when "religious" people accept me as I am, God will. Double ouch!

That's why I never "reaped what I sowed". I wasn't sowing friendship, I was seeking God's approval and acceptance. Something I've had all along! I'm free today-- to be a good friend to myself and others. And now I reap real friendships!

Are you lonely? List the attributes you want in a good friend. Grow in those attributes. Become that friend to yourself, first. From there, true friendships blossoms!

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