Zooming around on facebook, a friends favorite quotation got my attention. Something his father once said to him: When you want to stop hurting yourself, you will.

There was a time in my life when I hurt myself. A lot. I gravitated toward people who hurt me. A lot. I attended a twelve-step program at the time and my sponsor would say, "Wendy, if you go looking for pain, you'll find it every time."

She was right. In the thick of codependency I checked my drug-addicted boyfriends pockets--daily. If snooping was crack, I would have been on skid row. It didn't occur to me that by snooping I was looking for pain. I was resistant to the reality that my willingness to be romantically involved with someone who's entangled in addiction was me choosing to hurt myself. But eventually I grasped it.

If you're willing to consider this reality then you my friend are readier than you know for what it takes to heal. Which is to do something (healthy)--different. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." --Albert Einstein or Ben Franklin (It's debatable.)

What are you willing to do differently today? Pick ONE thing. Here are a few suggestions:

• Seek counseling.
• Refuse to feed the monster of codependency (no more snooping) You're either willing to live with an addict or not. If you are, then you are not a victim. You're signing up for all the destruction that it brings into your life. If you're not, then DON'T. Separate, then re-visit reuniting when addiction is no longer lord over your loved one (and your addicted loved one is no longer lord over you).
• Exercise. It relieves stress.
• Do something that nurtures You. Eat healthy. Pray. Set aside five minutes each day to just breath deeply in the presence of God.

This may be hard to believe, but big change comes from the small changes we make along the way. As you begin to value yourself more your decision making will become healthier for you and your loved ones.

In John 5:6 Jesus asked a crippled man, "Do you want to be made well?"

Jesus' reply to the mans, "yes," was "Rise, take up your bed and walk."

Walk. Take baby steps if you must, but walk. One day at a time. One step at a time. And when you are made well you'll inspire others with your story.

Question: What behavior or action do you repeat over and over, as you expect different results?

1 Corinthians 10: 23 says "Everything is permissible"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"--but not everything is constructive. (NIV) New King James says, all things are lawful, but not all things edify.

In keeping with the context of this scripture, we must be willing to think outside of just ourselves. As Christians, our choices should edify the body of Christ. As wives, our choices should edify us, our spouses, and our families. But how does this unfold in everyday life?

For me, it means that when opportunities arise, I must consider how my repsonses to those opportunities will effect others. I recently received an invitation to a party. It sounds like fun. And I could use some fun. But the reality is, between preparing for a writer's conference, caring for a sick child, updating my website, creating a One Sheet for my CPA, and giving my best in my day job as a Clinical Massage Therapist, I'm physically exhausted.

What would benefit me the most right now is physical rest. While attending a fun party sounds . . . well, fun, the truth is, I don't have the physical energy. So, though it's permissible, it would not be beneficial. An exhausted woman is no good to anyone. Not her husband, not her family, and not the women she is passionate about encouraging everyday. So, after careful consideration of my party invitation; regrets it is.

If I were simply emotionally exhausted, it would better benefit me, my husband, my family, and you, precious readers, to attend a fun party and re-charge. And that's how it works for me.

How about you? Do you pause to consider if what you're considering, though permissible, is beneficial?