Discovering Divine Purpose in the Passions

  • 1

Mission EDIFY is a grassroots movement fortifying adults affected by abuse, exploitation, and traumatic betrayal. United in charity, let us strive to

Enlighten faith communities to the unspoken needs of the traumatized.
Defend human dignity.
Introduce a compassionate path to forgiveness.
Foster daily conversion.
Yield to mercy--with justice.

Please pardon the disappearance as Hannah and I prepare to head over to Mission EDIFY this January!

Friday, August 4, 2017 7:02 PM

A Rebellious Teenager, A Popsicle-stick Cross, and A Former Adult Entertainer

Friday, August 4, 2017 7:02 PM
Friday, August 4, 2017 7:02 PM

If you've ever sent your kiddo(s) to Mother's Day Out or Sunday School then you're likely familiar with the infamous Popsicle-stick cross.

Many moons ago such a cross was proudly displayed in my home. My youngest son galloped out of class on a Sunday morn, offered it up with a tender smile, and melted my heart right there on the spot.

My gift came fully assembled with a magnet on the back. I pressed my sweet cross to the stainless steel bill-board in my kitchen for all the world to see--or at least anyone who needed something from the fridge. It was purple. It was precious. And the next day I discovered it was UPSIDE DOWN. Who would do such a thing?

Ah . . . Christopher. The oldest of three sons. Twelve years older than my 'lil cross-maker. Zach's older brothers were not introduced to God in their formative years. By the time I'd rededicated my life to Christ they were teenagers with harsh beliefs about life and God. Beliefs forged throughout the years of self-destructive choices I'd made from a place of utter brokenness. Last year I taught a ten-week series to a group of women who've worked in the sex industry. Straight away a woman in tears said, "I've given my life to Jesus. I don't do the things I used to do. I'm better. My life is better. But I've completely f****d up my kids. What do I do about that?" 

You can't script the comments in closed support groups. They're raw. They're real. They're priceless.

I replied, "That's a legit question. I'm still waiting for the church to offer a class on that one. What I know from personal experience is that the wheat and the weeds grow together until the appointed harvest time. Try to remember that you are planting good seeds in a field that was once taken over by weeds. Thank God for every sprout of new life. And when a weed pops up, or refuses to go, remind yourself that the entire field remains in His Sovereign care. It no longer belongs to the enemy."

My older sons didn't attempt to deter me from my new-found faith. They just didn't want anything to do with it. I didn't force them to attend church services. And at times I got flak from Christian parents who did. Rather, I faithfully studied my Bible morning after morning. I did the best I could to parent them God's way. I understood early on, I could not make them love God. And no amount of learning "today" would erase what they'd experienced "yesterday."

And that's how it went for a long time. Until one day it didn't. Christopher showed signs of curiosity. Unfortunately, he didn't ask questions to gain understanding as much as he did to start arguments. In retrospect, maybe he longed for an outward expression of the inner conflict he felt about my new way of life. I did my level best to respond in a loving, non-argumentative manner as he continued to stage conversations of point and counterpoint. He often accused me of shoving Christ down his throat. Though I never did.

My standard reply was, "Christopher, I have not once attempted to shove Christ down your throat and you know it. I believe in Him. If you don't, then you don't. This settled him down. He appreciated that I respected his right to choose for himself as rebellious teenagers are especially preoccupied with their rights. I refused to argue with him. 

What's a teenage boy to do when his mother refuses to engage in religious debates? Turn the Popsicle-stick cross on the fridge upside down. It was intended to get a rise out of me. But I never said a word to Christopher about that cross. I knew it was him who turned that cross upside down every night. And he knew it was me who turned it right-side up every morning. This routine stretched on for months.

Meanwhile, storms were brewing. Just around the corner was a temper that would keep me on my knees for the remainder of his high school years. A multitude of prayers would be prayed. Including countless forgiveness prayers having lost my capacity to smile graciously for God's glory. It was time for "spiritual warfare."

I knew I couldn't talk to Christopher about the Bible. I also knew the word of God does not return void. So I sowed seeds in my field. I wrote Scripture on small pieces of paper and planted them in his room: Under his mattress. In his pillow. On the back of the canvas's he'd painted with creepy faces. I even wrote on the bottom of his shoes.

When he went to school, I worshiped God in his room. At night, I slid an open Bible on his bedroom floor. He was surrounded by the word of God and he had no idea. I prayed and I prayed, but by the time he graduated from high school our relationship was so strained he would barely speak to me. Heart broken, I feared my efforts were for naught.

Flash forward: At age twenty-one, Christopher yielded to a mysterious attraction to the word of God. I'll never forget the day he asked to borrow my Bible. Today, at age thirty, he reads and studies his Bible everyday. My son is a devote Christian man. And the popsicle-stick-cross story brings laughter to us both.

I have since asked God's forgiveness for doubting the power of His word just because my son's "God search" didn't happen when I thought it should have.

So mamas, fight the good fight for your children! Prayerfully consider which Scriptures would be the best medicine and don't give up. "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (that's endures, ladies, not enables). Love never fails...." (1 Corinthians 13:7-8 NKJV)

I was in my thirties before I returned to Christ. And now look at me, all blogging for Jesus. Trust me, no one in my family saw this coming when I was a teenager. Seriously. No one. 

"For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, And do not return there, But water the earth, And make it bring forth and bud, That it may give seed to the sower And bread to the eater,
So shall My word be that goes from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it." (Isaiah 55:11 NKJV)

Never underestimate the power of prayer. Who do you pray for? Fight the good fight, try not to run your mouth too much, and keep planting good seeds! Weeds that aren't nourished die over time. 

You are not alone,


Tuesday, April 17, 2012 6:44 PM

Peace for Broken and Exhausted Mothers

Tuesday, April 17, 2012 6:44 PM
Tuesday, April 17, 2012 6:44 PM

(from my archives)

This morning, during my quiet time with God, I listened to an old favorite: Be Still and Know, by Steven Curtis Chapman. The first time I heard it, I'd just returned from a meeting with my oldest son's high-school counselor, regarding his transfer to a smaller, self-paced school.

Christopher was not an easy child to raise. God knows of the challenges he faced growing up in the midst of our family dysfunction, but his temper brought it to another level. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. When we arrived, I fled to the restroom for a small reprieve from his rebellious attitude. I looked into the mirror and whispered to a desperate woman, "Don't cry."

The meeting went well. Papers were signed. Christopher would finish out the day and begin a new school the next. I cried all the way home. Once inside the house, I turned the radio on. "Be Still and Know" was playing.

I was too broken and exhausted to be angry. My knees buckled and I sat on the floor, slumped in a puddle of tears. Me and my pain, humbly positioned to receive peace that surpasses all understanding.

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is holy
Be still, O restless heart of mine
Bow before the Prince of peace
Let the noise and clamor cease

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is faithful
Consider all that He has done
Stand in awe and be amazed
And know that He will never change
Be still

Be still, and know that He is God
Be still, and know that He is God
Be still, and know that He is God

Be still; Be speechless

Be still and know that He is God
Be still and know that He is our Father
Come rest your head upon His chest
Listen to the rhythm of His unfailing heart of love
Beating for His little ones
Calling each of us to come
Be still, Be still

I didn't stand to my feet that day with all the answers. Rather, I stood with what I needed most. Validation, Comfort, and Peace. It took time for our family to change. But change, we did.

At age twenty-four, Christopher is a son who loves his mother. We're honoring to one another. 

We made it after all.

Are you exhausted? Broken? God peace flows freely to those who come to Him.

« back < view previous