Please pardon the disappearance as Hannah and I prepare to head over to Mission EDIFY.
"All men should strive to learn before they die, what they are running from, and to, and why." --James Thurber
If you've spent your life running from a painful past, this is probably the last thing you want brought to your attention, but I agree with Mr. Thurber. In retrospect, it's clear that the more energy I spent avoiding my past, the more bound to it I became.
Go ahead, look back. God is with you and He won't leave you there forever. You'll be there just long enough to discover how truly beloved you are in His eyes. When you awaken to this truth, you will no longer be powerless. You are safe with the God who makes all things new.
The more I read the Bible, the more I recognize God's heart toward women. He cherishes us and wants to empower us to make a difference in the world. It saddens me to think of all the times I projected onto a loving God, the motives of what broken men did to harm me.
Healing from sexual abuse is a process that cannot be manipulated my man. Maintain steady communication with God. Keep your eyes on Him and you will come to know and believe the Savior. Stop running. Come face to face with from, and to, and why. If it helps you to know, initially I did not look back with a graceful countenance. I kicked, I screamed, I swore, I abused alcohol . . all the things the church of my youth warned me against--but Jesus didn't take offense. He didn't condemn me. He saw my broken heart. He understood why I behaved that way, and His love made me better.
And one day I looked in the mirror and no longer saw a victim. I saw the reflection of a woman who'd been to hell and back, with no outward signs of hell. I saw strength and redemption. I saw a woman with a testimony so powerful that it could encourage other women to face their pasts. Through Christ, I am empowered. Through Christ, you are empowered.
When we refuse to face our pasts, we refuse to walk through the very door that will bring us through and compel us to live forward.
What do you run from? Will you face it to move forward and finally be free?
Published on Tuesday, April 12, 2011 @ 8:44 AM CDT