I'm working on a non-fiction project called Bohemian Forgiveness: 5 Unconventional Paths to Forgiving What You'll Never Forget.
I have a literary agent. And submissions to publishing houses are underway. Meanwhile, a graphic designer is creating a collateral design that will feature 25 excerpts. This is a sample!
I'll keep you posted as we progress!
copyright 2018. Ame B. Design
It all matters.
All of you.
All that's happened to you.
And all you must face as you muster the resolve to show up for life each day. Life is not an X-Box game. You can't mute the swear words inside a broken heart bleeding real blood. There's no pause button for the overwhelmed. No high-score to obtain for the number of times you force a smile in one day and proclaim to be fine when you're not.
Not everything that happens to you is okay. Some experiences are not okay and are not ever going to be okay--ever.All manner of abuse is not okay. Whether or not the person who's hurt you awakens to the harm they've inflicted is inconsequential to the story of how you are going to be okay.
You can be more than okay. You can. But you must keep moving forward in a journey likely to require a fresh take on what it looks like to move forward.
If you've suffered indignity, indifference, and injury--be it emotional, verbal, and/or physical and you recognize it as abuse, you are moving forward.
If you've recently separated from an abusive partner, you are moving forward.
You are moving forward.
Take heart. When you find yourself in an immobilized heap on the floor, you are still moving forward.
When rage supersedes your ten-week Bible study and the capacity to walk with your head held high in "Christian countenance," you are moving forward.
The mornings you laugh out loud at something completely inappropriate--after having cried yourself to sleep, you are moving forward.
The long nights you stare blankly at the ceiling, wondering if God sees you, you are moving forward.
When you shout to heaven with clenched fists, "Why don't You care?"--you are moving forward.
The shoes you charge that aren't in the budget.
The Chardonnay you consume 'cause you just can't take it anymore . . .
This is all of you, moving forward.
And it all takes place in the palm of God, who holds the whole world in His hands. This includes you. And everything you schlep into a Bible story of faith and frailty because this time, you are the main character.
You are not alone,
Published on Monday, June 25, 2018 @ 7:30 AM CDT
He was my mother's new love interest after my parents divorced. I didn't like it when he slept over. I peered into the livingroom one morning and saw him lying on the floor in the make-shift bed he'd made the night before.
I crept in the way children do when they've been warned not to get out of bed again at night. He pulled back the blankets and invited me to join him. I clenched my sweet gown with one tiny hand, shook my head "no," and took refuge in my room.
I wore a pink dress to the wedding. In pictures, I grasp the lightweight chiffon with the same clenched fist--powerless over the heaviness of unwanted touch. Leaving the room was no longer an option, and what followed over the years to come forged a humiliating template for adulthood relationships.
Fast forward: April 2013
Me: I've just spent eighteen years in a relationship that shouldn't have lasted eight days. I am not unintelligent. And I'm always in a ten-week Bible study. How did this happen?
Psychologist: When you were a child, leaving was not an option. You learned to survive. But now the very skill-set that preserved you as a child works against you in your adult relationships.
Have you heard of a book called The Betrayal Bond?
What I learned that year:
I absolutely hated how my husband treated me most of the time but not once did I look in a mirror and think I don't deserve this. My brain was as bound to him as it was to the man who sexually abused me when I was a child.
That's how it happened.
The success of #MeToo is not solely contingent on public cries for recognition and demands for social justice. (Though necessary components.) It must include tangible steps to reconciliation and restoration. A re-forging of skewed relationship templates, beginning with how we relate to ourselves and how we relate to God.
"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself" (NAS).
I had no idea my mind played tricks on me--that "Mr. Right" was all wrong. After all, I'd prayed about our relationship before we married. But truth is, I'd yet to learn to love myself. Love for self came AFTER I conceded that God's thoughts are higher than my own.
There are two words, in my opinion, that every survivor should become well-acquainted with in the care of God:
If your "love" for a man extends beyond the capacity of your love for God and self, you will lack discernment in your decision making. (Trust me. I learned this the hard way.)
We get better together,
Published on Thursday, June 7, 2018 @ 7:58 AM CDT